Put them Hater Blockers on
Judgments. They can be crippling. Being paralyzed by what other people think (or what you think other people think) is one of the most common stumbling blocks on the road to success so of course, we are gonna get down and dirty with judgy people & how we move past them.
News flash: People judge you ALL DAY LONG.
It doesn’t matter how you choose to live your life — whether you build a business at home or work a corporate job; have children or choose not to have children; travel the world or live in the same town all of your life; go to the gym 5 times a week or sit on the couch every night — whatever you do, someone will judge you for it.
They can be little judgments, or big ones. For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, their negativity, and their fears onto you and your life, and you’ll have to deal with it.
The problem lies in believing that what they think matters.
This is really important and you have got to get your head around it. No matter WHAT you do in life you are gonna be judged. You are being judged right now. Trust me. (I certainly am). You might not be thinking about it because that person or people isn’t right in front of your face at the moment, or you might not care what that particular group of people thinks.
For example – The other day, I’m at the gym, and I’m wearing short little spandex. Why? Well, I have great legs for starters, and when I workout and I see my legs, I feel great about myself. It motivates me. Also. I’m not sure if you are aware but it’s freaking hot in phoenix. Anyways. I’m wearing these short spandex and this lady is giving me judgy eyes. Maybe my shorts offended her? She thought they were indecent? I dunno. And ya know, I thought about it for about 5 seconds and then I legit, put my blinders on and was like, right, back to sprinting on the treadmill (and also “damn look at those quad muscles coming in D, okkk girl, get it”. See why I wear shorts? It helps motivate me). Important: I didn’t throw shade back. I just bubbled myself and focused on me.
I was thinking back on that moment, it occurred to me that realistically it was just as likely that the woman was staring at my legs and being like I wish I had legs like that. Or, that she was wondering where I got my shorts. Or that she wasn’t looking at me at all, but that she was staring at the weights behind me, trying to spot what she needed. Which brings me to the first and biggest lesson you can learn about judgments:
99% of the time the judger is YOU
Usually you feeling insecure about something and project your feelings onto someone else’s unrelated behavior. It’s easier to complain about the outside critics, but the biggest critic in your life lives between your own two ears. Working up the courage to move past your own vulnerability and uncertainty is often the greatest challenge you’ll face on the way to achieving your goals. Maybe that lady liked my shorts. Maybe she was feeling motivated by great legs. Or maybe she was wondering how I don’t get cameltoe in spandex shorts. WHO KNOWS? I was clearly feeling a tiny bit insecure about it and so as soon as I THOUGHT I saw someone judging me, I latched onto it as definitive belief that I was right. Which is the second thing about judgments:
They are always bigger in your head than they are in real life.
The scary thing about judgments is that you don’t know what someone is thinking. And what you can come up with in your own mind is WAY worse than anything that people are really thinking. You wanna know why?
NO ONE GIVES A FUCK WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
I’m so serious. People do not spend as much time thinking about you as you think they do. I swear. And if they do, that’s a THEM problem, not a YOU problem. If gym lady actually spent the whole class being upset at my shorts, which I seriously doubt, she needs to re-examine herself and think about why she spent 50 minutes obsessed with what someone else was wearing instead of getting her Splat Points. Right?
So how do we move past judgments? Here are a few tips that I have learned in therapy and from people who spend a lot more time in the public spotlight than I do (and consequently get judged more)
#1 Find your people
If you don’t want to be drug down by judgments, you need to focus on and surround yourself with people who like and support you. Like attracts like, so if you are perseverating on someone who doesn’t get you, what you are doing, or how you are choosing to live your life, you are not only spinning your wheels, you are missing the joy. Find your people and romp around with them. I promise it will be more fun & you will be more successful. A rising tide raises all the ships (in that harbor). Make sure your boat is in the right harbor!
#2 Realize people judge what they don’t know
They don’t understand it, they think they do, but they don’t and that’s why they make a judgment. If you start realizing that people are simply misinformed or undereducated, it will feel a lot less personal and a lot more like it’s a THEM problem, not a YOU problem. Again, like the gym lady. Maybe she had never seen spandex shorts before. Maybe she thought they only belonged under cheer skirts. I DUNNO. If you have done your research, you know are secure in your choices, and you are doing your very best to be thoughtful & not purposefully offend people (it’s not like I’m wearing spandex shorts to Vatican City) – then march on hunny. It’s not your job to educated everyone about your life choices.
#3 Put your Hater Blockers on
Put on your blinders. HATER BLOCKERS. I get judged all the time. But you know what? I don’t let it stop me. Its not that I don’t hear it. I do. Just like the hater blockers I’m wearing in this pic. They don’t make me BLIND. I can still SEE people, but they give me the ability to ignore and focus on what’s important. My WHY is bigger than their judgments and yours needs to be too. When people throw shade, you don’t even have to see them. Tune out the noise and focus in like a laser beam. This is YOUR life. No one else’s. You do you, and pay no attention to the haters who are trying to knock you down. Most of the time they just wish they had your guts. Or your legs.
Today, you have a choice
You can spend your life standing in a smaller and smaller box trying to keep everyone else from judging you until you shrink into someone you wont even recognize anymore, or you can realize their judgments don’t matter, that you only get one life, and go after your dreams. You HAVE to grow thicker skin and know that in the long run you will always prove those haters wrong because you will be happy.
After all, that’s really all that matters at the end of the day. That YOU are happy with YOU.