You are NOT fine

A good friend once called me out for telling her I was fine when I wasn’t.  I really wasn’t.  She knew it.  I knew it.  I was depressed, not eating and pretty much ready to burst into tears.  But I was all.  “I’m fine”. (Eye Roll).  She said, you know what FINE stands for? 

Fuck-up. Insecure. Neurotic. & Emotional. 

Think about it.  How many times has someone asked you how you are… and you said “I’m fine” when what you really meant was, “I’m angry. I’m sad. Dude, Im so great!  Im having a great day! Or…  I’m not having a great day.  I’m upset about this or that”.

No, instead we say we are fine. The problem with putting a “fine blanket” over everything is that you aren’t acknowledging how you really feel.  You are stuffing those emotions down and telling them they don’t matter.  Feelings want to be heard.  And if you keep stuffing them away, they are gonna rebel and come at you like a freaking title wave, knock you on you’re a$$.  Which always seems to happen at the worst possible time, right? 

That’s not a coincidence btw.  Feelings are looking to be acknowledged, and when you are stressed, under fed, under slept or all of the above, your ability to stuff things in their place weakens… the barrier get thinner.  So BOOM.  Here comes a panic attack, break down, sob fest, whatever.  Always at the “worst” time. 

 So why do we do it?  Why don’t we listen to our feelings?  The ones nagging us, saying Im sad, I wanna travel more, I wanna train for that marathon, I wanna go back to school, I  hate this job, or I wish I could be a journalist instead, or wow, I’m really unhappy in my relationship, I wish I was a more patient mom, a more driven person, …   

Ummmm cause it’s HARD

It is hard to have those conversations with yourself.  If you listened to my video or read my blog on cliff jumping about your psycho cybernetic mechanism, you already know that if you have conditioned yourself to think or behave in a certain way, you do it automatically, in under a second, with out thinking about it.  Same thing here.  If you are used to stuffing your feelings away, you might have a fleeting moment of a feeling, but your brain will stuff it away fast – to protect you. It’s easier to sweep it under the rug.  Easier to blame others.  To blame circumstances.  To look at all the external reasons why its “just the way it is” or that you “don’t have a choice” in the way your life is going. 

Except, you do. 

In fact.  You are the ONLY one who has a choice. 

So if you are one of the people who says… I’m fine.  I wish I could….  But I am FINE.  I challenge you to ask yourself, are you really at peace with the direction your life is going?  Or are you just “FINE” with it?  Are you joyful to wake up every day and be in your life story, or are you just “tired” all the time, crying on the inside like I was that day my friend asked me how I was?   

Now don’t get me wrong here guys.  I’m not telling you that you need material things; a bigger house a faster car, a new girlfriend or husband to make your life better.  Things won’t make you happy either.  I’m also not saying that you shouldn’t be grateful for what you have in your life already.  What I am saying is, is there space for BOTH?  Can you be grateful about the life you have, but also be brave enough to admit that you might want more?  That you want a MORE loving relationship?  That YOU want to be a MORE loving partner? That you want to spend your days with your children, or at a job that really fill you up and gives you satisfaction?  That you want to see the world, or at least Greece.

 What I’m telling you today – it is OKAY TO WANT MORE.  Wanting more does not mean that you aren’t happy with your life right now.  You just want to keep growing.  Keep being the biggest, best version of yourself that you have to offer to this world.  There is nothing wrong with that.  In fact, I would argue, it’s your responsibility to be the best version of you, you can be.  You owe it to your kids, to your family, to the world… and you owe it to yourself. 

 

This is your ONE life. 

When you look back on it, do you wanna say it was FINE?  Or do you wanna know that you lived your BEST life Every. Damn. Day.  What ever that looks like for you.

 Watch yourself today.  See how many times you say “I’m Fine” over the course of the day, and then when you catch it, just ask yourself.  Am i?  Or am I ignoring a feeling right now.  Start to chose your words more wisely.  Your brain will believe what you tell it, so make sure you feed it the right food.  If you are happy, say Im happy.  If you are having a sad day, own it.   The more practice we have at actually identifying our emotions the better we get at it.  Yes, like a kids book.  I am angry.  I am sad.  We spend all this time teaching our children to use their words, and then we grow up and stop using our own.  We numb ourselves to our feelings so much that we forget to even check in with ourselves.  We don’t know what in our life makes us happy, and what makes us sad, stuck, or frustrated.  It all just blends together in this “Im fine” soup. 

Be open to the idea that once you start getting really clear on what makes your happy, joyful grateful and fulfilled – you’ll also start to see what makes you UNHAPPY, what makes you feel stuck and dissatisfied.  And I want you to remember that its OK, healthy even, to find those areas.  Then you can nourish them.  Or prune them.  Or tend to them.  Whatever you need to do.

 

But first we need to find them.  And it all starts with gratitude.  So head over to the LiveFreeWithD Facebook Group and join our 30 day Gratitude Challenge to take the first step.

 

 

 

 

Dayna Schaaf